SARDAR ko NATAK mein ARJUN KA role Mila to LOGO NE SHOR...KIYA
PAGDIWALA ARJUN...
SARDAR BOLA:
BHOSDIWALO 5MINUTE PEHLE LUND WALI DROPADI AYI TAB SO RAHE TEH KYA
MAULVI: AGAR tumne ISLAM na kabool kiya to GARDAN KAAT di jaegi...
SARDAR: YEH ACHA DHARM HAI? BHENCHOOD kabool karo toh LULLI kategi aur NA karo to GARDAN
GANG OF SARDARS broke a BANK but instead of cash they found BOTTLES full of CHILLED LASSI..
HAPPILY dey DRANK it n let...
NEXT DAYS HEADLINE: SPERM BANK LOOTED.....
Suhaagraat par ek hakle ne kaha AA AA AAO NA JAA N CHU CHU CHU CHU CHU CHU.....
Wife CHADDI utarkar boli-
ab CHUSLE, CHUMLE YA CHODLE par CHU CHU matkar CHUTIYE
There was rush in d bus.. A man ws standing behind girl.. his penis gt erected.. girl slapped him n said, admi k khade hone ki jagah hai nahin,tu ise or khada kar le MAADARCHOD
Fir na silegi agr gand fat jayegi. jindgi jhaat nahin jo fir ug jaegi jo apne aap na de, zabardasti lelo uski,verna jindigi masti me nahi muth marne me gujar jayegi....
EK bar SANTA n BANTA rajai mein so rahe teh to santa bola yar banta PAD mar or rajai garam karde to banta ne POTI kar di or bola le AAG HI LAGA DI......
WO hamari laash pe chal diye MOOT K,
chalo issi bahane darshan ho gye unki CHOOT K,
HAIRLESS thi unki choot ,
Lekin ab kya fayda jab hum ban gaye BHOOT!!!!
JAAT went to CANADA and asks PROS.... how much?????
She says $500 on BED,
$200 ON SOFA,
$100 ON GRASS....
JAAT gives her $500
PROS.... U R MAN OF CLASS
JAAT NO-5 TIME ON GRASS.....
AMEER admi ne garib se poocha : batao SEX MEHNAT hai ya phir MAZAAA.....
GARIB: HUZUR MAZAAA hi hoga, mehnat hoti toh wo bhi aap hami se KARWATE
KABIRDAS ka DOHA:
UNCHI GAND ZIRAF KI..
DEKH KABIRA ROYE.
VO GAND KIS KAM KI .
JISE MAR SKE NA KOY
......
RAM LAL: THAKUR SAHEB gabar singh ne bahu ki izzat lut li
THAKUR: TOH??????
RAM LAL: Bahu RANI puch rahi hai gabar se badala lena hai ya payment????
GIRL; agar main car k niche aa gayi to 1 mahine tak NO COLLEAGE..
AGAR TRUCK k niche aa gayi toh 2 mahine tak NO COLLEAGE..
BOY: MERE niche aa jayo 9 mahine NO COLLEAGE
GIRL: BABA yeh LUND kaisa hota hai?
BABA: CHOTA,KOI LAMBA,KOI MOTA,KOI PATLA,KOI SAKHT AUR KOI NARM
GIRL: baba lagta hai SARI UMAR gaand marwate rahe ho
SABJI WALE KI SHAADI HUI...
?
?
?
?
SUHAAG RAAT KO BIWI KE UPAR PANI CHIDKNE LAGA
?
?
?
?
WIFE; KYA KAR RAHE HO
?
?
?
SABJI WALA: MAAL TAAZA KAR RAHA HU...
NANDAN hai vo log jo intezar karte hai,
asli mard wo hai jo hath se kaam karte hai,
na panch ki panchayat na sarpanch ka dund
APNI MUTHI APNA LUND
1 PAGAL nanga bazar mein ghoom raha tha....
uska LUND bhaut bada tha
1 aurat dekh k boli hamara desh tarakki kaise karega,
SARE KAAM K AADMI TOH PAGAL HAI....
VRY UGLY women walks in a shop wid 2 sons....
SHOPKEEPER: R day TWINS?
WOMEN: NO, 1 is 7 YRS and d other 9
why do u ask????
SK: CAN'T believe sum1 FUCKED U TWICE...
A vry OLD COUPLE decided to FUCK......
sex started....
BUDDHI: daal DIYA KYA?
BUDDHA: HAAN daal diya....
BUDDHI: ACCCHA TOH PHIR "AAHHH"....
Saturday, May 12, 2012
DAILY TOP JOKES:
Wife to husband :- ek sand saal me 300 bar sex karta hai
Tum iska adha bhi nahi karte.
Pati :- ye kahan likha hai ke wo 300 bar ek hi cow ko sath karta hai J
Conductor : baccha ko ticket ?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai.
To uke bhi free me bitha lu
Ek budha blue film dekhte huyejor se haath ko jatka dene laga
Ladka- kya hua baba ?
Baba- kya hona hai, 30 saal bad khada hua tho
Aaj haath so gaya..
Hone wali bahu ko dekhne aaye sasur ne kaha beti chai aati hai.
Ladki boli chutiye mujhe abhi tak dudh nahi aata. Chai kya ghanta aayegi
Lady – shoes dikhaiye.
Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no.
Shopkeeper :- jaao madam jaao, ghar se soch kar nikla karo
Kyalena hai…
Ø <<< :> machali (fish) bhej raha hu,
apni gaand me dal lena.
Kyoki maine suna hai apka dil dariya aur gaand samundar hai.
Sex ke baad aurat aadmi se boli :-tumari bansuri bahut he choti
Hai, Aadmi ne bola _ mujhe thodi pata tha ke, town-hall’
Me bajani hai
Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha “ kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?”
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalet the aaj se life time karwa liya.
Onese james bond met a dog in jungle and said –
I am bond “ james bond”
The dog bites him & replies-
I am kutta.. hidkiya kutta ab to tharo naam bhi
Tumhe bata diyo
Teacher to santa :- aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to Aadmi
Ne hai par phir bhi wo waha ja nahi sakta ?
Santa : “ ladies toilet”
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne village me dekh kar ek budha bola,
“ in logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha. Ab kya handset bhi
le jayege.?
Ek city ka ladka pehli baar sasural gaya,
Village walon se pucha – yaho koi enjoy karne wali cheej hai kya ?
Wo bole – nahi ,
Ek thi wo bhi aap le gaye..
Women’s life is very hard – morning – wash clothes,
Noon – dry clothes,
Evening- iron clothes,
Night – open clothes,
Late night-search clothes..
For toothpaste ad they show teeth.
For hair oil they show hair.
For face cream they show face.
But for Whisper they r not showing anything, that's cheating. Jaago Grahak Jaago
Tum iska adha bhi nahi karte.
Pati :- ye kahan likha hai ke wo 300 bar ek hi cow ko sath karta hai J
Conductor : baccha ko ticket ?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai.
To uke bhi free me bitha lu
Ek budha blue film dekhte huyejor se haath ko jatka dene laga
Ladka- kya hua baba ?
Baba- kya hona hai, 30 saal bad khada hua tho
Aaj haath so gaya..
Hone wali bahu ko dekhne aaye sasur ne kaha beti chai aati hai.
Ladki boli chutiye mujhe abhi tak dudh nahi aata. Chai kya ghanta aayegi
Lady – shoes dikhaiye.
Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no.
Shopkeeper :- jaao madam jaao, ghar se soch kar nikla karo
Kyalena hai…
Ø <<< :> machali (fish) bhej raha hu,
apni gaand me dal lena.
Kyoki maine suna hai apka dil dariya aur gaand samundar hai.
Sex ke baad aurat aadmi se boli :-tumari bansuri bahut he choti
Hai, Aadmi ne bola _ mujhe thodi pata tha ke, town-hall’
Me bajani hai
Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha “ kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?”
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalet the aaj se life time karwa liya.
Onese james bond met a dog in jungle and said –
I am bond “ james bond”
The dog bites him & replies-
I am kutta.. hidkiya kutta ab to tharo naam bhi
Tumhe bata diyo
Teacher to santa :- aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to Aadmi
Ne hai par phir bhi wo waha ja nahi sakta ?
Santa : “ ladies toilet”
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne village me dekh kar ek budha bola,
“ in logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha. Ab kya handset bhi
le jayege.?
Ek city ka ladka pehli baar sasural gaya,
Village walon se pucha – yaho koi enjoy karne wali cheej hai kya ?
Wo bole – nahi ,
Ek thi wo bhi aap le gaye..
Women’s life is very hard – morning – wash clothes,
Noon – dry clothes,
Evening- iron clothes,
Night – open clothes,
Late night-search clothes..
For toothpaste ad they show teeth.
For hair oil they show hair.
For face cream they show face.
But for Whisper they r not showing anything, that's cheating. Jaago Grahak Jaago
SMS JOKES :
Ek Aadmi ek andhi ladki ko chod raha hota hai, Andhi ladki ne aadmi ke
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??
Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna
A Punjabi ‘BRA ad’ —-
Har kudi di pahli pasand, ‘ PREETO BRA’. Hun 6 sizan wich-
1. Small
2. Medium
3. Large
4. Oye Hoye !!
5. Hai o rabba !
6. Oh Teri Bhain di !!!!
Wife : suno ji, kutte ko kaise pata chalta hai ke kutiya ka mann kar
raha hai??
Husband : soongh ke.
Wife : Toh Behanchod, tujhe jhukaam hai kya??
Sardaar Dukaandaar se : Bhai , aisi scheme kyon nahin chalu karta ki
500 rupiye ki kahridaari pe chudai free ?
Dukaandaar : arre , pichhle mahine hi to chalu kari thi ye scheme …
Parjai ne to ye scheme poore mahine mein 5 baar li
Ek Sardar apne bete ke saath, Deepawali ke shub awsar par phatake udda
raha tha
Usne ek rocket uddaya, lekin woh rocket defective tha, Rocket phuzz
karke ulte direction mai kahin udd gaya
Sardar : Behn di phuddi, kahan gayee??
Beta : Kaunsi behan di phuddi, Amritsar Wali Ya Chandigarh wali
Mera Peecha MAT KAROOO!!!
Mai Sharif Ladki hun.
Bas ek bar bolungi …I L U.
Sirf ek bar milungi bas!!!
Kuch karna nahi…
Koi dekh lega
Bas upper se kar lo
Panty mat urato
Bas ek bar hi karwaungi
Sharam aarahi hai.
Bahut lamba hai
Meri chut mai itna mota nahi jaygaa
Jor se mat dalna
Bahut dard ho raha hai
Chuchi ko chuso
Kamar ko pakad ke dalo
Jor se dhakka maro
Bahar mat nikalo
Ek Aadmi ek andhi ladki ko chod raha hota hai, Andhi ladki ne aadmi ke
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??
Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna
Ek sardar ki gaand pe funsi nikal aayi, wo doctor se dawai laya.
Ghar pe pant utar ke sheeshe mein dekh kar dawai lagaane laga.
Aisa karte hue uske Lund khada ho gaya.
Sardar bola : baith ja Baith ja! Apni hi gaand hai. Baith Ja..
Madam: Sabse jyada Protein kis k doodh mein hota hai?
Boy: 16 saal ki ladki k doodh mein.
Madam: Wo Kaise?
Boy: Usko peete hi bina haddi wale part mein bhi Jaan aa jati hai.
A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the train.
The Lady next to him asked,"Are they ur BABIES."
The Person said ,"NO, I own a condom factory & these are
customers
complaints..........."
Ek press wala Laaloji se poonchta hain:
Aap ne apne ghar me 11 bachee kaise kiye?
To Lalooji bole:
Kyunki hum rubber se jyada rabdi ko use kiya hu na!
Maine sardarse pucha"bollywood& hollywood me kya fark hai?
Sardar: A tho very simple bollywood me ball dikhate he;hollywood me Hole dikate he
A Lady without her Bra was selling Grapes. A Man said: Excuse me, sab kuch dikhta hai. Lady said: Abey Chutiye, tab hi to yeh bikta hai...
Prostitute takes sardar's pennis in mouth and threatens him"1000 Rs. de varna kat doongi
Sardar replies:- 5000 Rs. de varna susu kar doonga!
A 16 yrs girl to old man---- uncleji lund seedha fudi mein dalo na niche bund mein slip ho raha hai
old man jan de kuriye jan de bhen chod nu gu khan di aadat hai.
Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories?
Pappu: Madam, Blue films
Lady teacher making fun of short boy,"you have to stand on bench to drink milk". Boy smiled and said- "you have to kneel down to suck a lollipop.."
A newly married man was standing in front of a mirror naked and was admiring his physique.
'2 inches more & I will be a king.'
Suddenly the wife comes in and says,'2 inches less and you will be a queen!'
SARDAR- oh yeh roz raat ko condom use karte karte mai pareshan ho gaya hoon
SARDARNI- aakhir mein aap to bahat bekoof nikle- lamination kiun nahi karwa lete?
Hostel me ek ladka dusre se bola"yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, mujhe kal jaldi utha dena"Dusra bola"tu mera lund pakad k so ja,yeh roz mujse pahle uth jata hai.
Teacher:Whats ur name?
Boy:Tata Indicom
Techer:What can you read?
Boy:Hutch ka chota recharge sirf 10 rs me
Teacher:apki life ka kya hoga?
Boy:Spice hai to life hai
Teacher:Tum apni life mai karna kya chahte ho?
Boy:Kar lo dunia muthi me
teacher:Class se bahar chlay jao
Boy:Aisi aazadi aur kaHan.
A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o, kamliye sand wich kyon? room wich kyon nahi?"
Sardarji with a big tummy go for a walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask:Ye matka kitne ka?
He lifts lungi & says naal ke saath 450 ka.
Sardar to his wife: How did u got pregnant without me?
Wife: I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar: Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size hai,samaan kaha hai?
Maar chaddapa bed wich aaja, kacchi la ke bund dikhaja,
Ni kudiye raand diye....
Kodi hokay lun pawaja kudiye raand diye...!
Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis.
1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai.
2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante.
A man is dying of cancer. His son asked,"Dad, why u keep telling people u r dying of AIDS ? "
Dad :" So when i m dead No one will dare FUCK your Mom ! "
Pussy Pussy don't go far
Let me rub u in Salwaar,
Up above the legs so high,
Always juicy never dry,
Let me fuck u don't feel shy,
Come on baby, just one try.
What do u usually say after sex?
I luv u!...........wrong!
That was great!..........wrong again!
I luv it!........wrong again!
the answer is :" mera kacha kithe?"
Woh raat Diwali wali thi,
woh piya se chudne wali thi,
Koi aur hi aake chod gaya ,
Lund ko lehnge se ponch gaya ,
Uski Maa ne kiya VIRODH,
Tune choda bina NIRODH.
Boy:"Kaash main teri panty hota, tere naram angon se chipka hota..."
Girl:"Theek kaha! Jab main chud rahi hoti to tum bhi kisi konay par paday hote!!!!"
Girl's don't bunk classes b'coz they know missing periods means PREGNANCY !.
Chust , Chalaki, Chori , Thaggi hunde kum hushiyari de,
Tang Bhosedi, Tikkhe Mommay hunday kudi kawari de.......!
ladki- mom aaj mane apne friend ko khub ullu banaya bataun kaise ?
mom kaise ?
ladki- maine rupye sandel me chupaye the or wo 2 ghante tak meri bra me dundta raha
College me 1 ladaki ki pent ki chain khuli thi.
1 ladka jake bola, medamapake TAJMAHAL ka darvaja bandh kijiye....
kyoki hamara KUTUB MINAR hil raha hai......... .....
One day sardar did not get erection while having sex so he put his cock in a tub of water.
His wife was zapped,so he told her: Dekh raha hu ki puncture hai kya?
Girl : " mom, what is KHASAM ( husband ) ?
Mom : " beti, when u will grow & will become a good girl u will get one. "
Girl :" If I do not become good girl ?"
Mom : " then u will get many !!!!! "
why man does not make whisling sound while passing urine like woman ?
B 'coz god has given him 6 inch long SILENCER !
A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.
Arz kiya hai---..
" Titanic banaya to kaun sa pahar giraya,
akhir woh bhi to ek kasti thi.
Aray Taj Mahal to hum bhi banwa sakte dete,
humari Mumtaj hi gashti thi..! "
onec, Sardar Gee ,being fed up of asll the jokes abt himself, said to his wife : "Koi aisa lateefa Sunao jiss kay ander main(Sardar gee)involve na hota hoon."his wife replied:"
O gee !! i am pregnant"
A sardarji and his sister were taking a ride on a bicycle.
another sardarji saw them and asked "sardar ji, girl friend hai?"
the first sardar ji goes "girl friend ho gee teri, meri to behen hai"
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.
Conductor: yes only if they are above 8.
Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.
Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi
per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili
baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?
to sardar bola “mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…
A naked lady gets into the taxi,
Driver looks at her....
Lady: havn't ever u seen a naked womes?
Driver: No i'm just wondering where hv u kept the money to pay me
DR. instructs Sardar 2 give URINE , STOOL , & SPERM samples 4 his yearly checkup.
SARDAR: I'm in hurry doc, can i leave my underwear, it has all u want......
Banta: Sughrat kaisi rahi?
Santa: Mast rahi...
Banta: Fir b bata toh jara
Santa: Phali bar nangi ladki dekhi...
RAAT KO 3 BAR MUTH MARI
Class main Madam apne bachhe ko doodh pila rahi hain…
Madam: Olelele mera bachha dhudhu pe ke doctor banega..
Santa(class main peeche se): Madam ji thoda dhudhu mujhe bhi pila
do,compounder hi ban jaunga…
A fat NRI sardarni goes to a gurudwara with a mannat.
She tells giani : Gianai ji, main aaj bhot vaddi aass leke aayi han.
Giani : Main vekhya, jaddo tussi matthha tekya.
Husband : Please Aaj Karne do Wife: No! Husband: Jewellery Le Dunga Wife : No! Husband : Ghar Le Dunga Wife : No! Beta Bola : Papa Meri Maarlo Aur Cycle Dilado!!
Santa was pissing when a gal saw his huge penis & said naughtily: Wow I wud luv to have that.
Santa: Go & get a cup, I'm about to finish.
Film 'Maachis' being screened in a theatre and the song 'Chunni le ke soti thi kamaal lagti thi...' being played.
Suddenly a man shouted from the front stall, "Abe sirf chunni le ke soti thi to kamaal hi lagegi na..."
On first night Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai! Husband slaped his wife and said kya mere lund par aata laga hai jo tera upwas toot jayega.
A sardar went to his daughter’s room ,he found cigarettes he said
“OH GOD SHE SMOKES”
’
’
then he found a bottle of wine ,he said
“OH GOD SHE DRINKS”
‘
‘
then he found a condom ,he said
‘
‘
“OH SHIT SHE HAS A PENIS “
A sardar asked his frend,
"kya tumharay underwear mein suraakh hain?"
Frend replied "No"
Sardar said,
"tou phir taangain kahan sey daalta hai saalay...
Hitler to Sardarji: Impossible ka word meri dictionery main nahin hai.
Sardarji: Te Ullo ke pathay dictionery dekh k kharidni thi na...!
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
Sardar se kisi ny kaha
INDIAN
flag may tmhara kia hy
Green4 muslim
white4 christ
orang4 hindu
nothin 4u
Sardar thught n rplied
OYE .. !
DANDA TERE PIYO DA AY!
Sardar:Mujhe Begum ke liye Bra chaiye.
Shpokeeper;kya size hai?(Copyright www.lovesmsfun.com)
Sardar: Size to malum nahi, bus puruni bra main se meri 2 topi ban jati he...
Santa apni biwi ke offic mai gaya to dekha
biwi Boss ki godi mai baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa - Chal Preeto, aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff ke liye kursi bhi na ho!
Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar. Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto ke samne chaddi mat utarna. Basanti: Viru dar mat maine chaddi pahni hi nahi hai...
Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi? Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance nil ho gya?
Sardar Conductor: Kithe jana a.
Bhaiya: Anandpur
Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke kehnda: Anandpur Sahib nahi keha janda.
Sardar Conductor to second bhaiya: Tu kithe jana a?
Bhaiya darda darda bolya: Ji main Ropar Sahib jana a.
Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke: na othe tere peo ne shahidi payi c?
Sardar hotel vich ja ke chicken order karda hai.
Waiter: French or Spanish?
Santa: Jehra marji lai aa yaar, mein kehra gallan karnian ne.
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun
A Sardarji went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.
Somebody asked,“Sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?”
Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!
Santa and his wife
Preeto: I want good manners in bed just like at the dinner table.
Santa climbs slowly into the bed, smiles and says: "honey, would you pass the boobs please"
Q : wat is heights recycling ?
A : MAN GIVING used CONDOM to his SON to use as a balloon & after BURSTING, giving to his DAUGHTER to use as HAIR BAND.
larka : dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...
teri bahon mein jhul jaoo...
teri anchal mein soo jaoo...
larki : Sale Bhosri ke to neechey kya mohaley wale ghusege.
Sardar Ko Teesri Bar Bachchi Hui, to Usne Elaan Kiya Ke Mere Beta Peda
Hua Hai
Dost Ne Dekha To Kaha Ke Ye To Ladki Hai,
Sardar Bola “Aye Munda Maa Pe Gaya hai jee”
Ek admi jaldi jaldi ladies toilet main ghus gya,
ek aurat chillaye ;
u idiot ye ladies k lye hai,
Aadmi pant utaar k bola ye bhi ladies k liye hai !!.
A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT...
INSPECTOR SAHAB, EK NE MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE...
EK NE MAIRI GAAND MARI...
EK NE MUJHAY CHODA...
EK NE MUJHAY CHOOMA...
INSPECTOR: BAS KAR. F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUND KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
what PEPSI stands for
P=please
E=enter
P=penis
S=slowly
I=inside
ha..ha..ha..hy.. Ye dil magay more
Talaq K Bad Husband Aur Wife Apna Apna samaan Alag Kartey Huwe
Husband : Bra Dete Huwe , Yeh lo Apney Milk K dhakkan
Wife : Underwear Detey huwe , yeh Lo Murday Ka Kafan
A crow shits on a sardar, sardarni hands over tissue to sardarji. Sardar says: Ab kiski gaand ponchhu, kawwa to udd gaya.
Santa ko susu karta dekh ladki rasta badal kar jaane lagi to Santa bola: O madam, ghabrao mat, tum jisse dar rahi ho usko maine pakad kar rakha hai...!
Santa to Amli: Yaar thodi jahi afeem devin kise nu deni hai.
Amli: Oye afeem khake loki lende tan bahut dekhe ne par den wala tu hi milaya
Pappu was masturbatin in front of girl's hostel, lukin at his galfriend. His friend asked: What r u doin? Pappu: Fuckin my galfriend via Blue Tooth
Sardar ghar aya to dekha k BV nangi leti hui hai,
Paseena nikal raha hai or saans phoola hua hai..
Sardar ne Puchha: kia hua?
B.v: dil ghabra raha hai, Jaldi se doctor ko bulao..
Sardar doctor ko bulane bhaga to bachay ne darwazay pr rok kr bataya k chachu bed k neeche nangay chhupay hue hen..
Sardar wapas aya,
Bed k neeche se Bhai ko nikala or ghusse se kaha: BEGHERAT
Teri Bhabi ko heart attack aya hai
Or tu nanga ho k bachon ko dara raha hai..
Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh.
Child To Nurse. kea Main Ap Ka Pass So Jaon?
Nurse: Yes So Jao.
Child: Kea Main Aap Ke Naaf Main Ungly Daal Loon?
Nurse: Yes Daal Do…
Nurse: Oooh Aaaah Yeeah Naaf Naheen Ha…
Child: Yeah Ungly Bhe Nahen Ha!!!
Once a sadhu went to a prostitute and after completing, while leaving the prostitute asked "baba, Paise." He replied"Pagli tujhse paise thodi loonga."
Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.
Santa: Wanna try it?
Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it.
Gaon ki gori,
lagti bholi,
utare choli,
panty kholi,
bed pe soli,
mujhse boli,
nikalo pichkari, khelo holi.
Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?
In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs
Santa was smoking in a bus. Conductor:No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta?
Santa: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?
In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao
Pappu sees his parents having sex.
Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon.
Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.
Preeto from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala:Memsaab Aath mein Bara
Preeto:Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja
Jeeto:Oh zara dheere karo, kyon Shatabdi chala rahe ho,Maalgadi chalaao.
Itne mein Pappu bed se gira aur bola jo marzi chalaao par sawaari ko to mat giraao
Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.
Three men discussing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.
Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.
Santa: Will u marry me?
Gal: I'm a lesbian.
Santa: Lesbian?
Gal: I like to hv sex with girls.
Santa: Lai, phir to I'm also a LESBIAN
Banta: Thakur Gabbar teri bhen da rap3 ka dita. Te oh puch rahi hai ki... Thakur: Ki puchdi hai? Banta: Puchdi hai ki Gabbar to Badla Laina hai ya payment?
Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fcuk her in the a$$.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.
2 Girls were mastur bating with carrots.
Banta says:What r u doing?
Gals:U naughty guy, will u join us?
Banta:Wait,I'll get a carrot.
Judge: Y do u want divorce?
Banta: She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu aithey dc lagyan? Sari colony khush aa, ik teri agg nahin bhujdi.
Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady: Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa: Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta
Sali: Jija ji 500 rs. dedo, agley hafte doongi...
Jija: 1500 lele par abhi de..
Teacher: What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives?
Pappu: Daddy.
Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade. When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: Yahi thee, Yahi thee"
Santa was asked to give a talk on Sex
He walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone & said: Ladies n Gentlemen, it gives me gr8 pleasure...
And sat back down
Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai
Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.
Santa:During sex both of us njoyed,then y should I pay?
Prosti tute:For us its Incoming,so its free.For men its Outgoing,so u have to.
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??
Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna
A Punjabi ‘BRA ad’ —-
Har kudi di pahli pasand, ‘ PREETO BRA’. Hun 6 sizan wich-
1. Small
2. Medium
3. Large
4. Oye Hoye !!
5. Hai o rabba !
6. Oh Teri Bhain di !!!!
Wife : suno ji, kutte ko kaise pata chalta hai ke kutiya ka mann kar
raha hai??
Husband : soongh ke.
Wife : Toh Behanchod, tujhe jhukaam hai kya??
Sardaar Dukaandaar se : Bhai , aisi scheme kyon nahin chalu karta ki
500 rupiye ki kahridaari pe chudai free ?
Dukaandaar : arre , pichhle mahine hi to chalu kari thi ye scheme …
Parjai ne to ye scheme poore mahine mein 5 baar li
Ek Sardar apne bete ke saath, Deepawali ke shub awsar par phatake udda
raha tha
Usne ek rocket uddaya, lekin woh rocket defective tha, Rocket phuzz
karke ulte direction mai kahin udd gaya
Sardar : Behn di phuddi, kahan gayee??
Beta : Kaunsi behan di phuddi, Amritsar Wali Ya Chandigarh wali
Mera Peecha MAT KAROOO!!!
Mai Sharif Ladki hun.
Bas ek bar bolungi …I L U.
Sirf ek bar milungi bas!!!
Kuch karna nahi…
Koi dekh lega
Bas upper se kar lo
Panty mat urato
Bas ek bar hi karwaungi
Sharam aarahi hai.
Bahut lamba hai
Meri chut mai itna mota nahi jaygaa
Jor se mat dalna
Bahut dard ho raha hai
Chuchi ko chuso
Kamar ko pakad ke dalo
Jor se dhakka maro
Bahar mat nikalo
Ek Aadmi ek andhi ladki ko chod raha hota hai, Andhi ladki ne aadmi ke
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??
Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna
Ek sardar ki gaand pe funsi nikal aayi, wo doctor se dawai laya.
Ghar pe pant utar ke sheeshe mein dekh kar dawai lagaane laga.
Aisa karte hue uske Lund khada ho gaya.
Sardar bola : baith ja Baith ja! Apni hi gaand hai. Baith Ja..
Madam: Sabse jyada Protein kis k doodh mein hota hai?
Boy: 16 saal ki ladki k doodh mein.
Madam: Wo Kaise?
Boy: Usko peete hi bina haddi wale part mein bhi Jaan aa jati hai.
A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the train.
The Lady next to him asked,"Are they ur BABIES."
The Person said ,"NO, I own a condom factory & these are
customers
complaints..........."
Ek press wala Laaloji se poonchta hain:
Aap ne apne ghar me 11 bachee kaise kiye?
To Lalooji bole:
Kyunki hum rubber se jyada rabdi ko use kiya hu na!
Maine sardarse pucha"bollywood& hollywood me kya fark hai?
Sardar: A tho very simple bollywood me ball dikhate he;hollywood me Hole dikate he
A Lady without her Bra was selling Grapes. A Man said: Excuse me, sab kuch dikhta hai. Lady said: Abey Chutiye, tab hi to yeh bikta hai...
Prostitute takes sardar's pennis in mouth and threatens him"1000 Rs. de varna kat doongi
Sardar replies:- 5000 Rs. de varna susu kar doonga!
A 16 yrs girl to old man---- uncleji lund seedha fudi mein dalo na niche bund mein slip ho raha hai
old man jan de kuriye jan de bhen chod nu gu khan di aadat hai.
Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories?
Pappu: Madam, Blue films
Lady teacher making fun of short boy,"you have to stand on bench to drink milk". Boy smiled and said- "you have to kneel down to suck a lollipop.."
A newly married man was standing in front of a mirror naked and was admiring his physique.
'2 inches more & I will be a king.'
Suddenly the wife comes in and says,'2 inches less and you will be a queen!'
SARDAR- oh yeh roz raat ko condom use karte karte mai pareshan ho gaya hoon
SARDARNI- aakhir mein aap to bahat bekoof nikle- lamination kiun nahi karwa lete?
Hostel me ek ladka dusre se bola"yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, mujhe kal jaldi utha dena"Dusra bola"tu mera lund pakad k so ja,yeh roz mujse pahle uth jata hai.
Teacher:Whats ur name?
Boy:Tata Indicom
Techer:What can you read?
Boy:Hutch ka chota recharge sirf 10 rs me
Teacher:apki life ka kya hoga?
Boy:Spice hai to life hai
Teacher:Tum apni life mai karna kya chahte ho?
Boy:Kar lo dunia muthi me
teacher:Class se bahar chlay jao
Boy:Aisi aazadi aur kaHan.
A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o, kamliye sand wich kyon? room wich kyon nahi?"
Sardarji with a big tummy go for a walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask:Ye matka kitne ka?
He lifts lungi & says naal ke saath 450 ka.
Sardar to his wife: How did u got pregnant without me?
Wife: I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar: Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size hai,samaan kaha hai?
Maar chaddapa bed wich aaja, kacchi la ke bund dikhaja,
Ni kudiye raand diye....
Kodi hokay lun pawaja kudiye raand diye...!
Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis.
1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai.
2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante.
A man is dying of cancer. His son asked,"Dad, why u keep telling people u r dying of AIDS ? "
Dad :" So when i m dead No one will dare FUCK your Mom ! "
Pussy Pussy don't go far
Let me rub u in Salwaar,
Up above the legs so high,
Always juicy never dry,
Let me fuck u don't feel shy,
Come on baby, just one try.
What do u usually say after sex?
I luv u!...........wrong!
That was great!..........wrong again!
I luv it!........wrong again!
the answer is :" mera kacha kithe?"
Woh raat Diwali wali thi,
woh piya se chudne wali thi,
Koi aur hi aake chod gaya ,
Lund ko lehnge se ponch gaya ,
Uski Maa ne kiya VIRODH,
Tune choda bina NIRODH.
Boy:"Kaash main teri panty hota, tere naram angon se chipka hota..."
Girl:"Theek kaha! Jab main chud rahi hoti to tum bhi kisi konay par paday hote!!!!"
Girl's don't bunk classes b'coz they know missing periods means PREGNANCY !.
Chust , Chalaki, Chori , Thaggi hunde kum hushiyari de,
Tang Bhosedi, Tikkhe Mommay hunday kudi kawari de.......!
ladki- mom aaj mane apne friend ko khub ullu banaya bataun kaise ?
mom kaise ?
ladki- maine rupye sandel me chupaye the or wo 2 ghante tak meri bra me dundta raha
College me 1 ladaki ki pent ki chain khuli thi.
1 ladka jake bola, medamapake TAJMAHAL ka darvaja bandh kijiye....
kyoki hamara KUTUB MINAR hil raha hai......... .....
One day sardar did not get erection while having sex so he put his cock in a tub of water.
His wife was zapped,so he told her: Dekh raha hu ki puncture hai kya?
Girl : " mom, what is KHASAM ( husband ) ?
Mom : " beti, when u will grow & will become a good girl u will get one. "
Girl :" If I do not become good girl ?"
Mom : " then u will get many !!!!! "
why man does not make whisling sound while passing urine like woman ?
B 'coz god has given him 6 inch long SILENCER !
A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.
Arz kiya hai---..
" Titanic banaya to kaun sa pahar giraya,
akhir woh bhi to ek kasti thi.
Aray Taj Mahal to hum bhi banwa sakte dete,
humari Mumtaj hi gashti thi..! "
onec, Sardar Gee ,being fed up of asll the jokes abt himself, said to his wife : "Koi aisa lateefa Sunao jiss kay ander main(Sardar gee)involve na hota hoon."his wife replied:"
O gee !! i am pregnant"
A sardarji and his sister were taking a ride on a bicycle.
another sardarji saw them and asked "sardar ji, girl friend hai?"
the first sardar ji goes "girl friend ho gee teri, meri to behen hai"
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.
Conductor: yes only if they are above 8.
Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.
Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi
per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili
baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?
to sardar bola “mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…
A naked lady gets into the taxi,
Driver looks at her....
Lady: havn't ever u seen a naked womes?
Driver: No i'm just wondering where hv u kept the money to pay me
DR. instructs Sardar 2 give URINE , STOOL , & SPERM samples 4 his yearly checkup.
SARDAR: I'm in hurry doc, can i leave my underwear, it has all u want......
Banta: Sughrat kaisi rahi?
Santa: Mast rahi...
Banta: Fir b bata toh jara
Santa: Phali bar nangi ladki dekhi...
RAAT KO 3 BAR MUTH MARI
Class main Madam apne bachhe ko doodh pila rahi hain…
Madam: Olelele mera bachha dhudhu pe ke doctor banega..
Santa(class main peeche se): Madam ji thoda dhudhu mujhe bhi pila
do,compounder hi ban jaunga…
A fat NRI sardarni goes to a gurudwara with a mannat.
She tells giani : Gianai ji, main aaj bhot vaddi aass leke aayi han.
Giani : Main vekhya, jaddo tussi matthha tekya.
Husband : Please Aaj Karne do Wife: No! Husband: Jewellery Le Dunga Wife : No! Husband : Ghar Le Dunga Wife : No! Beta Bola : Papa Meri Maarlo Aur Cycle Dilado!!
Santa was pissing when a gal saw his huge penis & said naughtily: Wow I wud luv to have that.
Santa: Go & get a cup, I'm about to finish.
Film 'Maachis' being screened in a theatre and the song 'Chunni le ke soti thi kamaal lagti thi...' being played.
Suddenly a man shouted from the front stall, "Abe sirf chunni le ke soti thi to kamaal hi lagegi na..."
On first night Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai! Husband slaped his wife and said kya mere lund par aata laga hai jo tera upwas toot jayega.
A sardar went to his daughter’s room ,he found cigarettes he said
“OH GOD SHE SMOKES”
’
’
then he found a bottle of wine ,he said
“OH GOD SHE DRINKS”
‘
‘
then he found a condom ,he said
‘
‘
“OH SHIT SHE HAS A PENIS “
A sardar asked his frend,
"kya tumharay underwear mein suraakh hain?"
Frend replied "No"
Sardar said,
"tou phir taangain kahan sey daalta hai saalay...
Hitler to Sardarji: Impossible ka word meri dictionery main nahin hai.
Sardarji: Te Ullo ke pathay dictionery dekh k kharidni thi na...!
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
Sardar se kisi ny kaha
INDIAN
flag may tmhara kia hy
Green4 muslim
white4 christ
orang4 hindu
nothin 4u
Sardar thught n rplied
OYE .. !
DANDA TERE PIYO DA AY!
Sardar:Mujhe Begum ke liye Bra chaiye.
Shpokeeper;kya size hai?(Copyright www.lovesmsfun.com)
Sardar: Size to malum nahi, bus puruni bra main se meri 2 topi ban jati he...
Santa apni biwi ke offic mai gaya to dekha
biwi Boss ki godi mai baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa - Chal Preeto, aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff ke liye kursi bhi na ho!
Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar. Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto ke samne chaddi mat utarna. Basanti: Viru dar mat maine chaddi pahni hi nahi hai...
Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi? Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance nil ho gya?
Sardar Conductor: Kithe jana a.
Bhaiya: Anandpur
Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke kehnda: Anandpur Sahib nahi keha janda.
Sardar Conductor to second bhaiya: Tu kithe jana a?
Bhaiya darda darda bolya: Ji main Ropar Sahib jana a.
Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke: na othe tere peo ne shahidi payi c?
Sardar hotel vich ja ke chicken order karda hai.
Waiter: French or Spanish?
Santa: Jehra marji lai aa yaar, mein kehra gallan karnian ne.
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun
A Sardarji went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.
Somebody asked,“Sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?”
Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!
Santa and his wife
Preeto: I want good manners in bed just like at the dinner table.
Santa climbs slowly into the bed, smiles and says: "honey, would you pass the boobs please"
Q : wat is heights recycling ?
A : MAN GIVING used CONDOM to his SON to use as a balloon & after BURSTING, giving to his DAUGHTER to use as HAIR BAND.
larka : dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...
teri bahon mein jhul jaoo...
teri anchal mein soo jaoo...
larki : Sale Bhosri ke to neechey kya mohaley wale ghusege.
Sardar Ko Teesri Bar Bachchi Hui, to Usne Elaan Kiya Ke Mere Beta Peda
Hua Hai
Dost Ne Dekha To Kaha Ke Ye To Ladki Hai,
Sardar Bola “Aye Munda Maa Pe Gaya hai jee”
Ek admi jaldi jaldi ladies toilet main ghus gya,
ek aurat chillaye ;
u idiot ye ladies k lye hai,
Aadmi pant utaar k bola ye bhi ladies k liye hai !!.
A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT...
INSPECTOR SAHAB, EK NE MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE...
EK NE MAIRI GAAND MARI...
EK NE MUJHAY CHODA...
EK NE MUJHAY CHOOMA...
INSPECTOR: BAS KAR. F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUND KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
what PEPSI stands for
P=please
E=enter
P=penis
S=slowly
I=inside
ha..ha..ha..hy.. Ye dil magay more
Talaq K Bad Husband Aur Wife Apna Apna samaan Alag Kartey Huwe
Husband : Bra Dete Huwe , Yeh lo Apney Milk K dhakkan
Wife : Underwear Detey huwe , yeh Lo Murday Ka Kafan
A crow shits on a sardar, sardarni hands over tissue to sardarji. Sardar says: Ab kiski gaand ponchhu, kawwa to udd gaya.
Santa ko susu karta dekh ladki rasta badal kar jaane lagi to Santa bola: O madam, ghabrao mat, tum jisse dar rahi ho usko maine pakad kar rakha hai...!
Santa to Amli: Yaar thodi jahi afeem devin kise nu deni hai.
Amli: Oye afeem khake loki lende tan bahut dekhe ne par den wala tu hi milaya
Pappu was masturbatin in front of girl's hostel, lukin at his galfriend. His friend asked: What r u doin? Pappu: Fuckin my galfriend via Blue Tooth
Sardar ghar aya to dekha k BV nangi leti hui hai,
Paseena nikal raha hai or saans phoola hua hai..
Sardar ne Puchha: kia hua?
B.v: dil ghabra raha hai, Jaldi se doctor ko bulao..
Sardar doctor ko bulane bhaga to bachay ne darwazay pr rok kr bataya k chachu bed k neeche nangay chhupay hue hen..
Sardar wapas aya,
Bed k neeche se Bhai ko nikala or ghusse se kaha: BEGHERAT
Teri Bhabi ko heart attack aya hai
Or tu nanga ho k bachon ko dara raha hai..
Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh.
Child To Nurse. kea Main Ap Ka Pass So Jaon?
Nurse: Yes So Jao.
Child: Kea Main Aap Ke Naaf Main Ungly Daal Loon?
Nurse: Yes Daal Do…
Nurse: Oooh Aaaah Yeeah Naaf Naheen Ha…
Child: Yeah Ungly Bhe Nahen Ha!!!
Once a sadhu went to a prostitute and after completing, while leaving the prostitute asked "baba, Paise." He replied"Pagli tujhse paise thodi loonga."
Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.
Santa: Wanna try it?
Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it.
Gaon ki gori,
lagti bholi,
utare choli,
panty kholi,
bed pe soli,
mujhse boli,
nikalo pichkari, khelo holi.
Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?
In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs
Santa was smoking in a bus. Conductor:No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta?
Santa: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?
In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao
Pappu sees his parents having sex.
Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon.
Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.
Preeto from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala:Memsaab Aath mein Bara
Preeto:Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja
Jeeto:Oh zara dheere karo, kyon Shatabdi chala rahe ho,Maalgadi chalaao.
Itne mein Pappu bed se gira aur bola jo marzi chalaao par sawaari ko to mat giraao
Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.
Three men discussing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.
Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.
Santa: Will u marry me?
Gal: I'm a lesbian.
Santa: Lesbian?
Gal: I like to hv sex with girls.
Santa: Lai, phir to I'm also a LESBIAN
Banta: Thakur Gabbar teri bhen da rap3 ka dita. Te oh puch rahi hai ki... Thakur: Ki puchdi hai? Banta: Puchdi hai ki Gabbar to Badla Laina hai ya payment?
Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fcuk her in the a$$.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.
2 Girls were mastur bating with carrots.
Banta says:What r u doing?
Gals:U naughty guy, will u join us?
Banta:Wait,I'll get a carrot.
Judge: Y do u want divorce?
Banta: She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu aithey dc lagyan? Sari colony khush aa, ik teri agg nahin bhujdi.
Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady: Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa: Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta
Sali: Jija ji 500 rs. dedo, agley hafte doongi...
Jija: 1500 lele par abhi de..
Teacher: What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives?
Pappu: Daddy.
Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade. When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: Yahi thee, Yahi thee"
Santa was asked to give a talk on Sex
He walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone & said: Ladies n Gentlemen, it gives me gr8 pleasure...
And sat back down
Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai
Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.
Santa:During sex both of us njoyed,then y should I pay?
Prosti tute:For us its Incoming,so its free.For men its Outgoing,so u have to.
SANTA BANTA UNIVERSAL JOKES:
Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl! The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!
Santa: Yaar mein apnee girl friend nu gift dayna hy, kee dayvan?Banta: Gold ring dy dy.Santa: Koee vadee cheeze dus yaar.Banta: Ty fayr MRF da tyre dy dy.
Santa: Lite Kithon Aandee ay?Banta: Mery Nankiyan Dy Gharon.
Snata: Kinwaain?Bnata: Jado Lite Jaandi Hy Papa Kehndy ne Saleyan ny fayr cut diti.
Santa 2 Pappu: Where's ravi Lake?Pappu: Pataa nahee.Santa: Kabhe ghar sy bhee nikla karo.Pappu: Who's Banta?Santa: Pata nai.Pappu: Kabhi ghar mein bhee rha kro.
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?Banta: Me too, after u leave.
On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring? He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.Santa says... Drink quickly......Wife asks why...Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.Santa: Hai.Frog: Nahin hai.Santa: Hai.Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing. A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?Santa: Very long!
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -the chicken or the egg?O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"
Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."Banta: "Did you?"Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
Santa: Yaar mein apnee girl friend nu gift dayna hy, kee dayvan?Banta: Gold ring dy dy.Santa: Koee vadee cheeze dus yaar.Banta: Ty fayr MRF da tyre dy dy.
Santa: Lite Kithon Aandee ay?Banta: Mery Nankiyan Dy Gharon.
Snata: Kinwaain?Bnata: Jado Lite Jaandi Hy Papa Kehndy ne Saleyan ny fayr cut diti.
Santa 2 Pappu: Where's ravi Lake?Pappu: Pataa nahee.Santa: Kabhe ghar sy bhee nikla karo.Pappu: Who's Banta?Santa: Pata nai.Pappu: Kabhi ghar mein bhee rha kro.
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?Banta: Me too, after u leave.
On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring? He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.Santa says... Drink quickly......Wife asks why...Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.Santa: Hai.Frog: Nahin hai.Santa: Hai.Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing. A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?Santa: Very long!
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -the chicken or the egg?O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"
Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."Banta: "Did you?"Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
CHUTKULE :
“Tendulker” Having Sex With “Malika”Malika:Tumhari LuLi par tu AIDS Likha Hai;Tendulker:MAA ki LORI KHARA tu hone de “ADDIDAS likha hai
Ladki K Baap Ne Vidai K Waqt Dulhe Se Kaha “Beta hamari Izzat AbTumhare Haath Mein Hai.
Dulha Bola:”Chinta Mat Kijiye Aaj Hi Loot Loonga!”
Sardar holding his wife’s boobs; “jay eh thoray sakht honde tenu bra di lor naisi”Wife holds his penis; “je eh thora vada honda menu teray pra de lor nai si”
Free Pick up + Dinner + Nigtht Stay + Malish is just one call away,Just dail 115 (police) and say Tussi Saray panchod ho
AN English Woman asked 2 Punjabi women.Wat is ur daily routine ?
Punjabi women: Hai behna saada ki kehna,saara din chulley te,te saari raat LULLAY te
Bhosri Plaza Hotel‘MENU CARD’
Grilled mummay;
Achari lund;
Phuddi of the day;
Tandoori bund
Lullian sirkay waali:
Chilly choot;
Tattay mughlai;
Gori bund da halwa;
Nargisi tattay;
Phuddi pakoray;
Lund folooda;
Mard makhan naan;
Afghani gand kabab;
Daigay mammay;
Lund khara masala;
Bhosri fried rice;
Melted tutti cream;
Peeshab up;
3 Galz having lunch.
1st said” i saw d condoms in boss drawer.
2nd said: i also saw & punchered them.
3rd Said: HaramZadi pehle batana tha na !!
Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi.
Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo.
Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye.
Boy : Aur lo gee.
Girl: NA baba na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo.
Wife : Pehlay tum daily karte they phir weekly aur ab monthly karte ho .. Kyun ?
Husband : Pehle teri aisee thee {} ..
Phir aisee thee { } ..
Ab aisee hai { } ..
Ab kya karoon aise {} ki talash mein dar dar ki thokrein khaa raha hoon.
1 Person : Season Offer Aik rupey ki do
Sardar : kya bhi kya
1 Person : Gand pe laat
On the wedding night Santa says: Bataao Hairan karoon ya Pareshan?
Jeeto: Dono.
He shows his tiny 1inch penis & says: Kyun hairani hui?
Jeeto: Ji Hui.
Hubby: Ab pareshan karoon?
Jeeto: Ji.
Santa: Yeh erect hai!
PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain
SON : papa may bataoo
PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo
SON : may batata hoo ….. AANKH
PAPA : ohh haan
SON : to kya aap lun samajh rahay thay
3 gashtian apas men apni khuwahshien bol rahi thi…
pehli gashti:mere 2 husband hon jo saari raat lagain…
doosri gashti: mere 4 husband hon jodin raat ki shift lagain….
teesri gashti: mera ek hee shohar ho uska chhota salund ho us se mera ek cute beta ho jp bada ho kar cricketer baney jab worldcup ka final ho last ball per 2 runs ki zarurat ho aur wo out hojaye aur 16 crore awam kahey teri MAA ko Lun…………..
4 facts
mammay aur jazbat jitne dabao utne ubhrte hain
snake aur pudi jahan deko mar do.
doodh aur gand phtne ki awaz nahin ati
pani aur lun apna rasita khud bana laite hain
aik MUMAY nay dosray MUMAY se pocha…….
Larai nichli gali main hoti hai
Pakray hum jatay hain…!!!
Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don’t say loose motions hai.
Sardar wid Grandson.
Late nite Shouts,”I need a Girl,I hv anErection!”
Gson says,”1st its 2 Late,2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is mine”
Richman to poorman- “How-come ur penis so big?
Poorman-replied:“B’coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play”!!!
During sexual session the girl says:”u r like a mobile phone!”
Boy:“Do I vibrate a lot?”
Girl:”No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network
“HONEYMOON”
H-hawas mita do
O-or chuso
N-nanga karke
E-ek hi jhatke mein
Y-yeh gaya
M-mar dala
O-or dalo
O-or tez
N-ni..k..a.. l…g..a. y..a
History teacher - mughlan ne kado takk raj kita ?
sardar - page no 15 to 26 tak.
BABA- Mayi roti de-de saadhu ko.
LADY- koi bhajan bhi suna do baba.
BABA- teri tor ne patte mutiyare, jattan de putt saadhu ho gaye
Sardar dost say: Yar BV nu birthday tay ki gift dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun day.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wada gift das.
Dost: Far mera Lun day day
Ladki K Baap Ne Vidai K Waqt Dulhe Se Kaha “Beta hamari Izzat AbTumhare Haath Mein Hai.
Dulha Bola:”Chinta Mat Kijiye Aaj Hi Loot Loonga!”
Sardar holding his wife’s boobs; “jay eh thoray sakht honde tenu bra di lor naisi”Wife holds his penis; “je eh thora vada honda menu teray pra de lor nai si”
Free Pick up + Dinner + Nigtht Stay + Malish is just one call away,Just dail 115 (police) and say Tussi Saray panchod ho
AN English Woman asked 2 Punjabi women.Wat is ur daily routine ?
Punjabi women: Hai behna saada ki kehna,saara din chulley te,te saari raat LULLAY te
Bhosri Plaza Hotel‘MENU CARD’
Grilled mummay;
Achari lund;
Phuddi of the day;
Tandoori bund
Lullian sirkay waali:
Chilly choot;
Tattay mughlai;
Gori bund da halwa;
Nargisi tattay;
Phuddi pakoray;
Lund folooda;
Mard makhan naan;
Afghani gand kabab;
Daigay mammay;
Lund khara masala;
Bhosri fried rice;
Melted tutti cream;
Peeshab up;
3 Galz having lunch.
1st said” i saw d condoms in boss drawer.
2nd said: i also saw & punchered them.
3rd Said: HaramZadi pehle batana tha na !!
Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi.
Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo.
Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye.
Boy : Aur lo gee.
Girl: NA baba na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo.
Wife : Pehlay tum daily karte they phir weekly aur ab monthly karte ho .. Kyun ?
Husband : Pehle teri aisee thee {} ..
Phir aisee thee { } ..
Ab aisee hai { } ..
Ab kya karoon aise {} ki talash mein dar dar ki thokrein khaa raha hoon.
1 Person : Season Offer Aik rupey ki do
Sardar : kya bhi kya
1 Person : Gand pe laat
On the wedding night Santa says: Bataao Hairan karoon ya Pareshan?
Jeeto: Dono.
He shows his tiny 1inch penis & says: Kyun hairani hui?
Jeeto: Ji Hui.
Hubby: Ab pareshan karoon?
Jeeto: Ji.
Santa: Yeh erect hai!
PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain
SON : papa may bataoo
PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo
SON : may batata hoo ….. AANKH
PAPA : ohh haan
SON : to kya aap lun samajh rahay thay
3 gashtian apas men apni khuwahshien bol rahi thi…
pehli gashti:mere 2 husband hon jo saari raat lagain…
doosri gashti: mere 4 husband hon jodin raat ki shift lagain….
teesri gashti: mera ek hee shohar ho uska chhota salund ho us se mera ek cute beta ho jp bada ho kar cricketer baney jab worldcup ka final ho last ball per 2 runs ki zarurat ho aur wo out hojaye aur 16 crore awam kahey teri MAA ko Lun…………..
4 facts
mammay aur jazbat jitne dabao utne ubhrte hain
snake aur pudi jahan deko mar do.
doodh aur gand phtne ki awaz nahin ati
pani aur lun apna rasita khud bana laite hain
aik MUMAY nay dosray MUMAY se pocha…….
Larai nichli gali main hoti hai
Pakray hum jatay hain…!!!
Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don’t say loose motions hai.
Sardar wid Grandson.
Late nite Shouts,”I need a Girl,I hv anErection!”
Gson says,”1st its 2 Late,2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is mine”
Richman to poorman- “How-come ur penis so big?
Poorman-replied:“B’coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play”!!!
During sexual session the girl says:”u r like a mobile phone!”
Boy:“Do I vibrate a lot?”
Girl:”No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network
“HONEYMOON”
H-hawas mita do
O-or chuso
N-nanga karke
E-ek hi jhatke mein
Y-yeh gaya
M-mar dala
O-or dalo
O-or tez
N-ni..k..a.. l…g..a. y..a
History teacher - mughlan ne kado takk raj kita ?
sardar - page no 15 to 26 tak.
BABA- Mayi roti de-de saadhu ko.
LADY- koi bhajan bhi suna do baba.
BABA- teri tor ne patte mutiyare, jattan de putt saadhu ho gaye
Sardar dost say: Yar BV nu birthday tay ki gift dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun day.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wada gift das.
Dost: Far mera Lun day day
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
NON-VEG JOKES :
Boy 2 Girl..hamein to apno ne loota ghairoon me kahan dum tha, meri kishti waha dubi jahaanpaani kam tha,Girl 2 boy…tum to they hi gaandu teri gaand mei kahaan dam thaa, wahaan kiyaa maa chudaaneygaye they jahaan paani kam thaa…
ek pathan bike rok kar helmit kujha raha tha.ek admi bola helmit toutaro.pathan bola tumhara gand mai kahrish hota hay to tum shalwar utar ta haykia ?
Ek baar do SARDAR jhagada kar rahe the.KI EK bola main teri gaand mar lunga.TOH doosra SARDAR BOLA ,dekho PAAJI jhagada kar rahe ho to jhagada kro beech main romantic batin mat karo.
Banta to a girl: Wat's ur name?Girl: Carmen.Banta: Yeh kaisa naam hai?Girl: Becoz I like Cars and men. What's ur name?Banta: CHUTINDER BOOBIYA
Two sardar were walking together...Pehla: Oye marr gaye. Meri biwi aur meri premika ek saath aa rahi hain..Dusra: Oye main bhi yahi bolne wala tha....
Teacher: Santa Pandavoon kay naam batao ?Santa: Ik Bhim "C"Ik odda vada Pra "C"Ik nikka Pra "C"Ik hor "C"Ik da may namm pull gaya "C"
Santa to preeto: "I want to marry you"Preeto: "But I am one year elder to you."Santa: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
Santa on a blind date with a gori.Santa: Do you object 2 sex?Gori: That’s something I have never done.Santa: What! U r a Virgin?Gori: No, Never Objected!
Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials.I guess I showed him the wrong thing!
Banta Complaining: U r so unresponsive, do u use cold cream between your legs?Preeto Taunting: U must be using vanishing cream between yours.
Obscene phone caller: Hello baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I'll let you have it.Preeto: Listen ji, if you can hold it in one hand I'm not interested.
Bra kholi to “shakalaka bumbum”… chaddi kholi to “khul jasimsim”… andar dala to “kya masti kya dhum”… aur bahar aya to “tay tayfish”. Maal zabrdast hai .. !!
ek pathan bike rok kar helmit kujha raha tha.ek admi bola helmit toutaro.pathan bola tumhara gand mai kahrish hota hay to tum shalwar utar ta haykia ?
Ek baar do SARDAR jhagada kar rahe the.KI EK bola main teri gaand mar lunga.TOH doosra SARDAR BOLA ,dekho PAAJI jhagada kar rahe ho to jhagada kro beech main romantic batin mat karo.
Banta to a girl: Wat's ur name?Girl: Carmen.Banta: Yeh kaisa naam hai?Girl: Becoz I like Cars and men. What's ur name?Banta: CHUTINDER BOOBIYA
Two sardar were walking together...Pehla: Oye marr gaye. Meri biwi aur meri premika ek saath aa rahi hain..Dusra: Oye main bhi yahi bolne wala tha....
Teacher: Santa Pandavoon kay naam batao ?Santa: Ik Bhim "C"Ik odda vada Pra "C"Ik nikka Pra "C"Ik hor "C"Ik da may namm pull gaya "C"
Santa to preeto: "I want to marry you"Preeto: "But I am one year elder to you."Santa: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
Santa on a blind date with a gori.Santa: Do you object 2 sex?Gori: That’s something I have never done.Santa: What! U r a Virgin?Gori: No, Never Objected!
Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials.I guess I showed him the wrong thing!
Banta Complaining: U r so unresponsive, do u use cold cream between your legs?Preeto Taunting: U must be using vanishing cream between yours.
Obscene phone caller: Hello baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I'll let you have it.Preeto: Listen ji, if you can hold it in one hand I'm not interested.
Bra kholi to “shakalaka bumbum”… chaddi kholi to “khul jasimsim”… andar dala to “kya masti kya dhum”… aur bahar aya to “tay tayfish”. Maal zabrdast hai .. !!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
STARTERS....
Sardar’s Son – Papa jaldi-2 mera viya kra deo nahi ta main DAADI nal viya kra lavanga.
Sardar:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.!
Son:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea..
Santa : Meri biwi mujhe chorr ke chali gayi.
Banta : Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Santa : Arre yaar…Sagi behen ki tarah rakhta tha usko!
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!
Santa and Preeto was in Bus.
Preeto : Suniye jee peeche wala aadi mere blouse me haath daal raha hai.
Santa : Oye tu ghabra mat, ussey kya pata batua to mere paas hai.
Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!
Teacher to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.
Ravana : Cigeratte hai kya?
Hanuman : Nahi Hai.
Ram : Ek packet hai na.
Hanuman : Aap chup rahiye prabhu. Iske 10 sir hain.
Pura packet khatam ho jayega.
Santa by mistake goes into a ladies toilet.
All ladies suddenly stand up
Santa : Izzat dil me ho yehi kaafi hai,
Baitho Baitho…:)
Pregnant Sardarni carred ISI mark on her stomach.
When asked why ISI mark..
She replied…ISI means INTELLIGENT SARDAR INSIDE.
Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.
Naukrani paas khade kutte ke paas gayi aur uske paas 10 rs ka note rakh diya.
“Ye kya kar rahi ho?”, Malkin ne pucha.
Naukrani replied : Yehi to ek hai jisne ess ghar me mera saath diya.
Ye na hota to mein ghar me itne bartan kabhi bhi akele saaf na kar pati.
Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Angry Santa to Son : Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?
Son : (Neeche dekhte hue) No Papa…
Santa : Neeche mat dekho. Look at me.
Santa to Autodriver : Gurudware Jaoge?
Driver : Haan bilkul jaunga?
Santa ne jeb se polythin nikala aur bola : Wapas aana to mere
liye langar le aana!
Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
SARDAR’s SON: DaddyJI meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.
SARDAR: took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
SARDAR: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
Teacher: Apka beta cigarate peeta hai. Aap kabhi use puchhte nahi?
Santa: Haan, puchhta hoon, par mujhe kabhi deta hi nahi.
Sardar interview in u.s embassy,
Q ur name please?
A: Baldev Singh
Q: Sex?
A: ji 2 times in a day
Q: I mean male or female?
A: donsnot matter jo mil je ohi Thok di daaa…
A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chicken and waiter comes with the order.
Sardar: Murgi ki taange kithe hai?
Waiter: Woh langra tha.
Sardar: Dil?
Waiter: Dil murgi le gayee.
Sardar: Dimaag?
Waiter: Murga sardar tha…
SARDAR apne kutte k saath film ‘Sholay’ dekhne gia Hero ne kaha,
“Basanti in kutton k samne mut nachna!” SARDAR bola ”
Ticket lia hai tera to bap bhi nache ga.
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai toh kia karte ho?
Sardar: AC ke paas ja ke beth jata hoon!
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lagay toh?
Sardar: Toh A/C on kar leta hoon!
sardarji bachche ke sath bazzar main the
bachcha-papa-papa angoor
sardarji-beta ye angoor nahin angoori hai angoor toh
panjab mai milte hai je bade-bade
ghar aakar-mammi ye papa nahin papi hai
papa to panjab mai milte hai je bade-bade
Sardar ki wife in romantic mood
Sardar ki wife romantic mood main pooray bed pr bazu phaila kr lait k boli
“kuch samjhe”?
Sardar: Haan, kameeni.
Tu purey bed pr akeli sona chahti ha….
1 marasi lahore Daata darbar bomb rakhty pakra gaya Logo ne usy mara or pocha k tum ne asa q kia?
Mrasi ki samajh me kuch na aya to bola k: Ma bom rakhnay di mannt manni C
Aik larki apna weight kar rahi thi
aik coin dala to 56 KG
Sandal utara 54
jacket utari 52
dupatta utara 51
coin khatam ho gaye
aik Sardar bola
tu kaam jaari rakh coin main daaley jata hon
Santa : Banta itni sharab na piya karo, tumhari saanso tak se badbu aati hai.
Yehi haal raha to tumhe nark bhi jagah nahi milegi.
Banta : Don’t worry Santa. Saanse to me yehi chorrkar jaunga!!!
Sardar:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.!
Son:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea..
Santa : Meri biwi mujhe chorr ke chali gayi.
Banta : Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Santa : Arre yaar…Sagi behen ki tarah rakhta tha usko!
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!
Santa and Preeto was in Bus.
Preeto : Suniye jee peeche wala aadi mere blouse me haath daal raha hai.
Santa : Oye tu ghabra mat, ussey kya pata batua to mere paas hai.
Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!
Teacher to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.
Ravana : Cigeratte hai kya?
Hanuman : Nahi Hai.
Ram : Ek packet hai na.
Hanuman : Aap chup rahiye prabhu. Iske 10 sir hain.
Pura packet khatam ho jayega.
Santa by mistake goes into a ladies toilet.
All ladies suddenly stand up
Santa : Izzat dil me ho yehi kaafi hai,
Baitho Baitho…:)
Pregnant Sardarni carred ISI mark on her stomach.
When asked why ISI mark..
She replied…ISI means INTELLIGENT SARDAR INSIDE.
Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.
Naukrani paas khade kutte ke paas gayi aur uske paas 10 rs ka note rakh diya.
“Ye kya kar rahi ho?”, Malkin ne pucha.
Naukrani replied : Yehi to ek hai jisne ess ghar me mera saath diya.
Ye na hota to mein ghar me itne bartan kabhi bhi akele saaf na kar pati.
Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Angry Santa to Son : Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?
Son : (Neeche dekhte hue) No Papa…
Santa : Neeche mat dekho. Look at me.
Santa to Autodriver : Gurudware Jaoge?
Driver : Haan bilkul jaunga?
Santa ne jeb se polythin nikala aur bola : Wapas aana to mere
liye langar le aana!
Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
SARDAR’s SON: DaddyJI meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.
SARDAR: took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
SARDAR: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
Teacher: Apka beta cigarate peeta hai. Aap kabhi use puchhte nahi?
Santa: Haan, puchhta hoon, par mujhe kabhi deta hi nahi.
Sardar interview in u.s embassy,
Q ur name please?
A: Baldev Singh
Q: Sex?
A: ji 2 times in a day
Q: I mean male or female?
A: donsnot matter jo mil je ohi Thok di daaa…
A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chicken and waiter comes with the order.
Sardar: Murgi ki taange kithe hai?
Waiter: Woh langra tha.
Sardar: Dil?
Waiter: Dil murgi le gayee.
Sardar: Dimaag?
Waiter: Murga sardar tha…
SARDAR apne kutte k saath film ‘Sholay’ dekhne gia Hero ne kaha,
“Basanti in kutton k samne mut nachna!” SARDAR bola ”
Ticket lia hai tera to bap bhi nache ga.
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai toh kia karte ho?
Sardar: AC ke paas ja ke beth jata hoon!
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lagay toh?
Sardar: Toh A/C on kar leta hoon!
sardarji bachche ke sath bazzar main the
bachcha-papa-papa angoor
sardarji-beta ye angoor nahin angoori hai angoor toh
panjab mai milte hai je bade-bade
ghar aakar-mammi ye papa nahin papi hai
papa to panjab mai milte hai je bade-bade
Sardar ki wife in romantic mood
Sardar ki wife romantic mood main pooray bed pr bazu phaila kr lait k boli
“kuch samjhe”?
Sardar: Haan, kameeni.
Tu purey bed pr akeli sona chahti ha….
1 marasi lahore Daata darbar bomb rakhty pakra gaya Logo ne usy mara or pocha k tum ne asa q kia?
Mrasi ki samajh me kuch na aya to bola k: Ma bom rakhnay di mannt manni C
Aik larki apna weight kar rahi thi
aik coin dala to 56 KG
Sandal utara 54
jacket utari 52
dupatta utara 51
coin khatam ho gaye
aik Sardar bola
tu kaam jaari rakh coin main daaley jata hon
Santa : Banta itni sharab na piya karo, tumhari saanso tak se badbu aati hai.
Yehi haal raha to tumhe nark bhi jagah nahi milegi.
Banta : Don’t worry Santa. Saanse to me yehi chorrkar jaunga!!!
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