SMS JOKES :

Ek Aadmi ek andhi ladki ko chod raha hota hai, Andhi ladki ne aadmi ke
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??

Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna



A Punjabi ‘BRA ad’ —-

Har kudi di pahli pasand, ‘ PREETO BRA’. Hun 6 sizan wich-

1. Small

2. Medium

3. Large

4. Oye Hoye !!

5. Hai o rabba !

6. Oh Teri Bhain di !!!!




Wife : suno ji, kutte ko kaise pata chalta hai ke kutiya ka mann kar
raha hai??

Husband : soongh ke.

Wife : Toh Behanchod, tujhe jhukaam hai kya??



Sardaar Dukaandaar se : Bhai , aisi scheme kyon nahin chalu karta ki
500 rupiye ki kahridaari pe chudai free ?

Dukaandaar : arre , pichhle mahine hi to chalu kari thi ye scheme …
Parjai ne to ye scheme poore mahine mein 5 baar li



Ek Sardar apne bete ke saath, Deepawali ke shub awsar par phatake udda
raha tha

Usne ek rocket uddaya, lekin woh rocket defective tha, Rocket phuzz
karke ulte direction mai kahin udd gaya
Sardar : Behn di phuddi, kahan gayee??
Beta : Kaunsi behan di phuddi, Amritsar Wali Ya Chandigarh wali




Mera Peecha MAT KAROOO!!!
Mai Sharif Ladki hun.
Bas ek bar bolungi …I L U.
Sirf ek bar milungi bas!!!
Kuch karna nahi…
Koi dekh lega
Bas upper se kar lo
Panty mat urato
Bas ek bar hi karwaungi
Sharam aarahi hai.
Bahut lamba hai
Meri chut mai itna mota nahi jaygaa
Jor se mat dalna
Bahut dard ho raha hai
Chuchi ko chuso
Kamar ko pakad ke dalo
Jor se dhakka maro
Bahar mat nikalo




Ek Aadmi ek andhi ladki ko chod raha hota hai, Andhi ladki ne aadmi ke
neeche hath dal ke tatola aur poocha “yeh kya hai??

Aadmi : yeh tatte hain
Andhi Ladki: Kya yeh chut mein nahi dalogae??
Aadmi : nahi, nahi yeh bahar hee latkenge
Andhi Ladki: Dekho jo kuch daalna hai poora dalna, andhi ka haqq na
maarna


Ek sardar ki gaand pe funsi nikal aayi, wo doctor se dawai laya.

Ghar pe pant utar ke sheeshe mein dekh kar dawai lagaane laga.

Aisa karte hue uske Lund khada ho gaya.

Sardar bola : baith ja Baith ja! Apni hi gaand hai. Baith Ja..



Madam: Sabse jyada Protein kis k doodh mein hota hai?

Boy: 16 saal ki ladki k doodh mein.

Madam: Wo Kaise?

Boy: Usko peete hi bina haddi wale part mein bhi Jaan aa jati hai.



A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the train.
The Lady next to him asked,"Are they ur BABIES."
The Person said ,"NO, I own a condom factory & these are
customers
complaints..........."


Ek press wala Laaloji se poonchta hain:
Aap ne apne ghar me 11 bachee kaise kiye?
To Lalooji bole:
Kyunki hum rubber se jyada rabdi ko use kiya hu na!


Maine sardarse pucha"bollywood& hollywood me kya fark hai?
Sardar: A tho very simple bollywood me ball dikhate he;hollywood me Hole dikate he


A Lady without her Bra was selling Grapes. A Man said: Excuse me, sab kuch dikhta hai. Lady said: Abey Chutiye, tab hi to yeh bikta hai...


Prostitute takes sardar's pennis in mouth and threatens him"1000 Rs. de varna kat doongi
Sardar replies:- 5000 Rs. de varna susu kar doonga!


A 16 yrs girl to old man---- uncleji lund seedha fudi mein dalo na niche bund mein slip ho raha hai
old man jan de kuriye jan de bhen chod nu gu khan di aadat hai.


Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories?
Pappu: Madam, Blue films


Lady teacher making fun of short boy,"you have to stand on bench to drink milk". Boy smiled and said- "you have to kneel down to suck a lollipop.."


A newly married man was standing in front of a mirror naked and was admiring his physique.
'2 inches more & I will be a king.'
Suddenly the wife comes in and says,'2 inches less and you will be a queen!'


SARDAR- oh yeh roz raat ko condom use karte karte mai pareshan ho gaya hoon
SARDARNI- aakhir mein aap to bahat bekoof nikle- lamination kiun nahi karwa lete?


Hostel me ek ladka dusre se bola"yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, mujhe kal jaldi utha dena"Dusra bola"tu mera lund pakad k so ja,yeh roz mujse pahle uth jata hai.


Teacher:Whats ur name?
Boy:Tata Indicom
Techer:What can you read?
Boy:Hutch ka chota recharge sirf 10 rs me
Teacher:apki life ka kya hoga?
Boy:Spice hai to life hai
Teacher:Tum apni life mai karna kya chahte ho?
Boy:Kar lo dunia muthi me
teacher:Class se bahar chlay jao
Boy:Aisi aazadi aur kaHan.


A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o, kamliye sand wich kyon? room wich kyon nahi?"


Sardarji with a big tummy go for a walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask:Ye matka kitne ka?
He lifts lungi & says naal ke saath 450 ka.


Sardar to his wife: How did u got pregnant without me?
Wife: I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar: Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size hai,samaan kaha hai?


Maar chaddapa bed wich aaja, kacchi la ke bund dikhaja,
Ni kudiye raand diye....
Kodi hokay lun pawaja kudiye raand diye...!


Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis.
1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai.
2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante.


A man is dying of cancer. His son asked,"Dad, why u keep telling people u r dying of AIDS ? "
Dad :" So when i m dead No one will dare FUCK your Mom ! "


Pussy Pussy don't go far
Let me rub u in Salwaar,
Up above the legs so high,
Always juicy never dry,
Let me fuck u don't feel shy,
Come on baby, just one try.


What do u usually say after sex?
I luv u!...........wrong!
That was great!..........wrong again!
I luv it!........wrong again!
the answer is :" mera kacha kithe?"


Woh raat Diwali wali thi,
woh piya se chudne wali thi,
Koi aur hi aake chod gaya ,
Lund ko lehnge se ponch gaya ,
Uski Maa ne kiya VIRODH,
Tune choda bina NIRODH.


Boy:"Kaash main teri panty hota, tere naram angon se chipka hota..."
Girl:"Theek kaha! Jab main chud rahi hoti to tum bhi kisi konay par paday hote!!!!"


Girl's don't bunk classes b'coz they know missing periods means PREGNANCY !.



Chust , Chalaki, Chori , Thaggi hunde kum hushiyari de,
Tang Bhosedi, Tikkhe Mommay hunday kudi kawari de.......!


ladki- mom aaj mane apne friend ko khub ullu banaya bataun kaise ?
mom kaise ?
ladki- maine rupye sandel me chupaye the or wo 2 ghante tak meri bra me dundta raha


College me 1 ladaki ki pent ki chain khuli thi.
1 ladka jake bola, medamapake TAJMAHAL ka darvaja bandh kijiye....
kyoki hamara KUTUB MINAR hil raha hai......... .....



One day sardar did not get erection while having sex so he put his cock in a tub of water.
His wife was zapped,so he told her: Dekh raha hu ki puncture hai kya?


Girl : " mom, what is KHASAM ( husband ) ?
Mom : " beti, when u will grow & will become a good girl u will get one. "
Girl :" If I do not become good girl ?"
Mom : " then u will get many !!!!! "


why man does not make whisling sound while passing urine like woman ?
B 'coz god has given him 6 inch long SILENCER !


A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.


Arz kiya hai---..
" Titanic banaya to kaun sa pahar giraya,
akhir woh bhi to ek kasti thi.
Aray Taj Mahal to hum bhi banwa sakte dete,
humari Mumtaj hi gashti thi..! "




onec, Sardar Gee ,being fed up of asll the jokes abt himself, said to his wife : "Koi aisa lateefa Sunao jiss kay ander main(Sardar gee)involve na hota hoon."his wife replied:"
O gee !! i am pregnant"


A sardarji and his sister were taking a ride on a bicycle.
another sardarji saw them and asked "sardar ji, girl friend hai?"
the first sardar ji goes "girl friend ho gee teri, meri to behen hai"


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.

Conductor: yes only if they are above 8.

Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.



Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi
per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili
baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?
to sardar bola “mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…



A naked lady gets into the taxi,
Driver looks at her....
Lady: havn't ever u seen a naked womes?
Driver: No i'm just wondering where hv u kept the money to pay me


DR. instructs Sardar 2 give URINE , STOOL , & SPERM samples 4 his yearly checkup.
SARDAR: I'm in hurry doc, can i leave my underwear, it has all u want......


Banta: Sughrat kaisi rahi?
Santa: Mast rahi...
Banta: Fir b bata toh jara
Santa: Phali bar nangi ladki dekhi...

RAAT KO 3 BAR MUTH MARI



Class main Madam apne bachhe ko doodh pila rahi hain…
Madam: Olelele mera bachha dhudhu pe ke doctor banega..
Santa(class main peeche se): Madam ji thoda dhudhu mujhe bhi pila
do,compounder hi ban jaunga…


A fat NRI sardarni goes to a gurudwara with a mannat.
She tells giani : Gianai ji, main aaj bhot vaddi aass leke aayi han.
Giani : Main vekhya, jaddo tussi matthha tekya.


Husband : Please Aaj Karne do Wife: No! Husband: Jewellery Le Dunga Wife : No! Husband : Ghar Le Dunga Wife : No! Beta Bola : Papa Meri Maarlo Aur Cycle Dilado!!


Santa was pissing when a gal saw his huge penis & said naughtily: Wow I wud luv to have that.
Santa: Go & get a cup, I'm about to finish.


Film 'Maachis' being screened in a theatre and the song 'Chunni le ke soti thi kamaal lagti thi...' being played.
Suddenly a man shouted from the front stall, "Abe sirf chunni le ke soti thi to kamaal hi lagegi na..."


On first night Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai! Husband slaped his wife and said kya mere lund par aata laga hai jo tera upwas toot jayega.


A sardar went to his daughter’s room ,he found cigarettes he said
“OH GOD SHE SMOKES”
’
’
then he found a bottle of wine ,he said
“OH GOD SHE DRINKS”
‘
‘
then he found a condom ,he said
‘
‘
“OH SHIT SHE HAS A PENIS “


A sardar asked his frend,
"kya tumharay underwear mein suraakh hain?"
Frend replied "No"
Sardar said,
"tou phir taangain kahan sey daalta hai saalay...


Hitler to Sardarji: Impossible ka word meri dictionery main nahin hai.
Sardarji: Te Ullo ke pathay dictionery dekh k kharidni thi na...!


A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"


Sardar se kisi ny kaha
INDIAN
flag may tmhara kia hy
Green4 muslim
white4 christ
orang4 hindu
nothin 4u
Sardar thught n rplied
OYE .. !
DANDA TERE PIYO DA AY!


Sardar:Mujhe Begum ke liye Bra chaiye.
Shpokeeper;kya size hai?(Copyright www.lovesmsfun.com)
Sardar: Size to malum nahi, bus puruni bra main se meri 2 topi ban jati he...


Santa apni biwi ke offic mai gaya to dekha
biwi Boss ki godi mai baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa - Chal Preeto, aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff ke liye kursi bhi na ho!


Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar. Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto ke samne chaddi mat utarna. Basanti: Viru dar mat maine chaddi pahni hi nahi hai...


Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi? Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance nil ho gya?


Sardar Conductor: Kithe jana a.

Bhaiya: Anandpur

Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke kehnda: Anandpur Sahib nahi keha janda.

Sardar Conductor to second bhaiya: Tu kithe jana a?

Bhaiya darda darda bolya: Ji main Ropar Sahib jana a.

Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke: na othe tere peo ne shahidi payi c?



Sardar hotel vich ja ke chicken order karda hai.

Waiter: French or Spanish?

Santa: Jehra marji lai aa yaar, mein kehra gallan karnian ne.



Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun


A Sardarji went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.
Somebody asked,“Sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?”
Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!


Santa and his wife

Preeto: I want good manners in bed just like at the dinner table.

Santa climbs slowly into the bed, smiles and says: "honey, would you pass the boobs please"


Q : wat is heights recycling ?

A : MAN GIVING used CONDOM to his SON to use as a balloon & after BURSTING, giving to his DAUGHTER to use as HAIR BAND.


larka : dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...
teri bahon mein jhul jaoo...
teri anchal mein soo jaoo...
larki : Sale Bhosri ke to neechey kya mohaley wale ghusege.



Sardar Ko Teesri Bar Bachchi Hui, to Usne Elaan Kiya Ke Mere Beta Peda
Hua Hai
Dost Ne Dekha To Kaha Ke Ye To Ladki Hai,
Sardar Bola “Aye Munda Maa Pe Gaya hai jee”


Ek admi jaldi jaldi ladies toilet main ghus gya,
ek aurat chillaye ;
u idiot ye ladies k lye hai,
Aadmi pant utaar k bola ye bhi ladies k liye hai !!.



A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT...
INSPECTOR SAHAB, EK NE MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE...
EK NE MAIRI GAAND MARI...
EK NE MUJHAY CHODA...
EK NE MUJHAY CHOOMA...
INSPECTOR: BAS KAR. F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUND KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!



2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!



what PEPSI stands for
P=please
E=enter
P=penis
S=slowly
I=inside
ha..ha..ha..hy.. Ye dil magay more


Talaq K Bad Husband Aur Wife Apna Apna samaan Alag Kartey Huwe
Husband : Bra Dete Huwe , Yeh lo Apney Milk K dhakkan
Wife : Underwear Detey huwe , yeh Lo Murday Ka Kafan


A crow shits on a sardar, sardarni hands over tissue to sardarji. Sardar says: Ab kiski gaand ponchhu, kawwa to udd gaya.


Santa ko susu karta dekh ladki rasta badal kar jaane lagi to Santa bola: O madam, ghabrao mat, tum jisse dar rahi ho usko maine pakad kar rakha hai...!


Santa to Amli: Yaar thodi jahi afeem devin kise nu deni hai.
Amli: Oye afeem khake loki lende tan bahut dekhe ne par den wala tu hi milaya


Pappu was masturbatin in front of girl's hostel, lukin at his galfriend. His friend asked: What r u doin? Pappu: Fuckin my galfriend via Blue Tooth


Sardar ghar aya to dekha k BV nangi leti hui hai,
Paseena nikal raha hai or saans phoola hua hai..
Sardar ne Puchha: kia hua?
B.v: dil ghabra raha hai, Jaldi se doctor ko bulao..
Sardar doctor ko bulane bhaga to bachay ne darwazay pr rok kr bataya k chachu bed k neeche nangay chhupay hue hen..
Sardar wapas aya,
Bed k neeche se Bhai ko nikala or ghusse se kaha: BEGHERAT
Teri Bhabi ko heart attack aya hai
Or tu nanga ho k bachon ko dara raha hai..



Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh.



Child To Nurse. kea Main Ap Ka Pass So Jaon?
Nurse: Yes So Jao.

Child: Kea Main Aap Ke Naaf Main Ungly Daal Loon?

Nurse: Yes Daal Do…

Nurse: Oooh Aaaah Yeeah Naaf Naheen Ha…

Child: Yeah Ungly Bhe Nahen Ha!!!


Once a sadhu went to a prostitute and after completing, while leaving the prostitute asked "baba, Paise." He replied"Pagli tujhse paise thodi loonga."


Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.
Santa: Wanna try it?
Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it.



Gaon ki gori,

lagti bholi,

utare choli,

panty kholi,

bed pe soli,

mujhse boli,

nikalo pichkari, khelo holi.



Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?


In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs


Santa was smoking in a bus. Conductor:No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta?
Santa: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?


In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao


Pappu sees his parents having sex.
Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon.
Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.


Preeto from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala:Memsaab Aath mein Bara
Preeto:Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja


Jeeto:Oh zara dheere karo, kyon Shatabdi chala rahe ho,Maalgadi chalaao.
Itne mein Pappu bed se gira aur bola jo marzi chalaao par sawaari ko to mat giraao


Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.


Three men discussing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.
Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.


Santa: Will u marry me?
Gal: I'm a lesbian.
Santa: Lesbian?
Gal: I like to hv sex with girls.
Santa: Lai, phir to I'm also a LESBIAN


Banta: Thakur Gabbar teri bhen da rap3 ka dita. Te oh puch rahi hai ki... Thakur: Ki puchdi hai? Banta: Puchdi hai ki Gabbar to Badla Laina hai ya payment?


Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.


The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fcuk her in the a$$.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.


2 Girls were mastur bating with carrots.
Banta says:What r u doing?
Gals:U naughty guy, will u join us?
Banta:Wait,I'll get a carrot.


Judge: Y do u want divorce?
Banta: She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu aithey dc lagyan? Sari colony khush aa, ik teri agg nahin bhujdi.


Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady: Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa: Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta


Sali: Jija ji 500 rs. dedo, agley hafte doongi...
Jija: 1500 lele par abhi de..


Teacher: What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives?
Pappu: Daddy.


Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade. When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: Yahi thee, Yahi thee"


Santa was asked to give a talk on Sex
He walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone & said: Ladies n Gentlemen, it gives me gr8 pleasure...
And sat back down


Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai


Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.


Santa:During sex both of us njoyed,then y should I pay?
Prosti tute:For us its Incoming,so its free.For men its Outgoing,so u have to.